Responsible for taking her driver’s license (details in a coming blog), I felt an obligation to become a chauffeur, Mother as a front seat passenger.

Known for her unique driving method which developed due to macular degeneration (ability to see only periphery), stiff neck (limiting her motion and ability to see). She prayed and went for it.

I was receiver of multiple instructions such as: “get in the fast lane,” “get past those trucks,” “you’re going the wrong way,” “get on the expressway,” “speed up,” “pass that person,” etc. [I admit that reading this brings a smile to my face. However, at the time it was anxiety raising and far from funny.]

I developed various solutions:
– In desperation to block out verbal comments, I switched the music station and upped the volume to stations such as “heavy metal rock,” causing her to stop talking.
– I let her give directions and get us hopefully lost and late for appointments several times. With no sense of direction myself, fortunately, I had GPS, which usually worked. Although, sometimes we were lost for hours.
– As suggested by my therapist, I agreed with everything she said. This stopped her continual negativity, misrepresentation of facts and outright lies. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t keep it up, her comments becoming so derogatory and outrageous.

Needing a more sustainable strategy, I became selective in “fun outings,” such as drives in nature, shopping, visits to her friends, library exhibits, etc.

However, there were the doctor’s visits, which I limited (she would love to go to a myriad of primary care and specialists multiple times a week). She did not take this gracefully. With tears, complaints to friends, family, care workers, I stoically put on my “therapist’s stance” and stuck to it, with gratitude from doctors.