In the hopes that you may benefit from my experiences as you care for others aging or with disabilities, here are some things I found to be my salvation.

It became evident that Mother’s care needs would stretch on after rehab, and I moved closer to her retirement complex. This was located in a small town outside a major university city, two blocks from mom and walking distance to multiple amenities including: an excellent regional theatre, library with multiple programs and classes, gifted hair stylist, shops, bakery, eateries, town activities.

My siblings shared the burden as much as they were able, taking time for phone conversations  (I didn’t have the patience with all my in-person listening); computer research for doctors, food and medication delivery; visiting when they could

Out of town visitors, long-term friends, and Mother’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren put her on her best behavior and gave me a little reprieve.

For exercise, close by nature centers with multiple walks. And, exercise class in my apartment complex twice weekly where I  met casual friends who were going through the same experience

My physical therapist turned out to be the best and most welcome respite. I cannot emphasize enough knowing your physical limitations. It is not worth over exerting, potentially leading to permanent injury. She helped me:
– set physical boundaries such as: no more lifting wheelchair in and out of my Jeep
– stop letting Mother balance off me, insist she uses her walker or she’ll bring you down & you’ll end up in the hospital with back surgery (the support I needed to set and keep proper boundaries)
– proper way to assist getting her into and out of the car
– correct way to transport walker (Mother’s insisted we call it a “cart,” she experienced great difficulty with her decline)
– strengthening and balancing exercises for me
– and the best, heat treatments for my back
– PT connected to wellness center & I was taught to use the machinery
– the center became a wonderful haven for me, people to greet, but not get into lengthy conversations

I trained Mother to turn off news programs (the elderly are hooked on repetitive news that fuels anxiety) or I would immediately leave. She didn’t like her hearing aids and turned the tv volume up very high for all programs.

My great sense of humor remained, and after situations settled down, I could find the amusement others would see. Also, I watched movies and television shows to make me laugh.

Through all the difficulties, looking back, this time became an amazing time of enlightenment, faith, and spiritual journey (insights for another blog).