The subject of grieving is multi-faceted. For clarity, I start by defining grieving, followed by the process of grieving (historically as well as current thinking), ending with my experiences.

Grieving is the response to life changes (positive or negative), demonstrated by manifesting annoyance, distress or sorrow. Some examples that apply here: loss of physical ability, changing finances, change in living situation, loss of friends, changing family dynamics, etc.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is associated with developing stages of grief.
– Denial (clinging to false reality)
– Anger (become frustrated, especially directed to proximate people)
– Bargaining (false hope, attempting compromises)
– Depression (sadness, despair, unresponsiveness)
– Acceptance (embrace future, inner peace)

She saw these stages as being distinct and linear, forcing her clients to go through each stage sequentially.

A more enlightened interpretation being that people go through these stages in different order and often recycle back through some of the stages. In addition, some stages are more deeply felt and linger longer than others.

To complicate matters, each person in the family is going through the stages in different order and intensity. So, as you can imagine, intense misunderstandings and derogatory conversations occur, especially when dealing with a pathological person.

Cognitively, I know all of this information, and have helped many understand, as a professional, as well as with friends and acquaintance. However, it is well accepted in the professional world, you cannot therapize yourself.

I lingered too long in “magical thinking.” Looking back, I should have talked to people sooner and shared my emotions and what I was living through. Mother being in her 90’s, we just kept thinking and hoping everything would be good and she would coast to a peaceful end. That did not happen, as I am sharing with you.

I cannot urge you enough. Get support right at the beginning. You need somebody outside of your family circle to help you see reality. There is multiple assistance available at senior centers, medical care centers, social security websites, etc. My Mother’s primary care doctor was indispensable to me throughout this challenging process.

[note: I have been surprised at how many people have found this blog. Thank you, and I sincerely hope you find my continuing experiences insightful, helpful and inspiring.]