In the midst of caring for Mother, her negative verbalizations and erratic behavior were so intense, I did not have time to process. I just felt it was my duty as a daughter. I am compassionate, and a soft heart can leave a person vulnerable to abuse.

After I was free, I began questioning: “Why did I do it? Was I really that stupid? Why did I continue caring for Mother who continued to treat me so badly? Why did I let my energies be robbed? Why did I let myself get so close to the brink? How could I waste that much of my life?”

I believe in spirituality, rather than coincidences, and by the grace of God, I began finding answers, including this quote from Lady Colin Campbell (2009).

“… allowing myself to be guided by my spiritual beliefs rather than my feelings toward her”

Stumbling across Daughter of Narcissus, with tears, I finally began to understand, find much needed relief, and start healing from what I had lived through. Lady C is brutally honest in sharing the poignant details of life with her clinically diagnosed mother, setting boundaries, grief processes, moving forward, shedding bitterness. She, along with her sisters, at the end of their mother’s life, spent time caring for her, despite the abusiveness that continued (it must be said, my mother pales in comparison).

More information came across my path, including details of narcissism, and I found others who bravely shared their traumatic experiences caring for loved ones.

A great weight began to be lifted. Despite what others thought and said, despite my self-doubts, I had done the right thing. At the end of my life, I will not regret the compassionate time I spent caring for Mother.