I would be remiss if I did not share happy memories from growing up. Although Mother often tried to dampen or subvert pleasurable times, I did not, and have not let her crowd out good remembrances. The happy times came about mostly due to Father’s love of celebrations, which Mother joined in and indeed reveled in.  

As an adult, I came to realize this was because Mother became the center of attention, beaming with pride, receiving praise from her family and others. Or if that failed to put her in the center of attention, she would get sick, take to her bed, as other cared for her, in her attempts to displace happy making. Now I understand these behaviors line up with narcissism (which I will be covering in detail).

Every major holiday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, interspersed with fun traditions, Mother would overdo preparations, become anxious and take to her bed.

The turkey preparation is most memorable. Not starting the baking soon enough, Mother would turn up the heat to 475 so it would cook fast, she would over-heat along with the kitchen, not opening the windows for some relief, and exit to her bedroom.

Years later, visiting me with my family, despite my admonition to leave my oven alone, she kept turning up the heat, which I kept turning down. At dinner she remarked, “How did you get the turkey to be so tender?”

Her need for control, in overdrive, she offered to help with the potatoes. Warned, “Don’t put the peelings in the garbage disposal,” which was on its last legs, she nevertheless proceeded to ignore my instructions, clogging the plumbing, resulting in some basement DIY unclogging, three times.

Growing up, the turkey saga repeated every Christmas, with added attractions. Father absolutely adored Christmas, picking out special gifts for all of his children. Mother and Father stayed up late retrieving presents from clandestine hiding places. Then, they would allow my brother to get all of us up as early as three o’clock. This lack of sleep magnified the Christmas turkey saga.

Mother glowed in the thanks we gave for the presents she had picked out, and she absolutely beamed opening the presents she received. We loved our presents, and Christmas time is one of my happiest memories. Added to the presents, was the special cake Mother always made for my same-day birthday, complete with special cards and presents wrapped in birthday paper.

I have ferreted out happy memories from other events.
– In addition to new Easter clothes, my Father orchestrated “The Great Easter Egg Hunt,” in which some of the eggs were not found until days later when we detected a rotting odor.
– Mother’s Day, surrounded by the birthday of my two sisters, guaranteed a visit from Grandmother, complete with hand sewn color-coordinated dresses, and orchid corsages from Father.
– New clothes for the first day of school
– Trips to the park, stopping at the Frozen Custard on the way home
– Vacation cottages, lake, boating, climbing sand dunes, getting ice cream