[I am back from my northern respite, which you can read about in my other blog here and here.]

“Knowledge is power, and with each book you read, you will at last have the answers you seek and will become empowered with information you cannot obtain anywhere else” (HG Tudor)

I personally believe, and have observed, you have to be on the Empath to Normal continuum, and have lived with and experienced Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), to fully understand how your life has been impacted. The NPD person processes life completely different from yourself.

In the following several blogs, I rely heavily on the work of HG Tudor which shocked me into one of my life’s most beneficial paradigm changes. As always, I encourage you to do your own research and thinking, coming to your own conclusions.

I finally accepted that I could not understand my mother’s (and others of her ilk) behaviors and verbalizations. I say to you, “You have to stop trying to understand the NPD person from your worldview that all people are generally good and can change given the right stimulus.”  [I might recommend reading, “People of the Lie” (M. Scott Peck, 1998) which was enlightening to me when I read decades ago]

Basically, the NPD person views you and treats you as if you were an appliance (think refrigerator), and they need constant fuel to fight the empty black hole inside. It is hard for me, and others of my kind to understand the deep black hole of emptiness inside the NPD person, but you must wrap your head around these insights.

Briefly, the narcissist person:
– needs reactions from others (positive or negative) to feel alive
– never considers his or herself to be in the wrong
– doesn’t self-reflect
– doesn’t feel anything when they hurt others

Personality Traits The classification of narcissism can go into great detail, including different combinations of schools (conduct and behavioral characteristics) and cadres (base traits), per HG Tudor. Some characteristics you may find include:
– driven by the need to obtain fuel (details coming in a following post)
– conceals emptiness within themselves with distractions, always on to what’s next
– lacking sense of self, they assume attributes from others
– lack of object constancy (“out of sight, out of mind”)
– maintains control at all times
– don’t contemplate or reflect on their actions
– manipulative, no sense of shame or embarrassment
– can appear religious, it’s fake to fill the black hole
– not conscious of, don’t feel emotions, have to fake, maintain false faćade

False Emotions. The narcissist expertly displays fabricated emotions, often quite convincingly. Don’t be fooled. Believing people to be weak, faked emotions serve to manipulate and control others. Some examples of faked emotions:
1) remorse – to actually feel this, he/she would have to give control to others
2) happiness – faking produces feeling of power over others; in reality they are never satisfied
3) sadness – would require emotional empathy, instead they are irritated, annoyed, frustrated, full of self-pity
4) joy – their elation comes from gathering fuel
5) contentment – they never feel satisfied,  they are restless, can’t settle, always a big chasm or abyss, needs new frontiers, there is never enough
6) guilt – may talk about to manipulate others, but this would be handcuffing, they never take responsible for their behavior, can’t be held to account,
7) lonely – this is just a faked pity play, faking involvement with people, because they need appliances for fuel to fill their black hole inside

Faked emotions are all about gaining control, feeling powerful, and fueling. Be on the lookout for when a facial faćade does not match actions or what is being said. For example, you may hear, “I’m so happy you received that award,” but the facial expression is one of grimace, smugness or repressed anger. This disconnect speaks volumes.

Next I will cover the “why of it,” the need for fuel which drives the narcissist, followed with real world tips for escaping the clutches of a NPD person.