[Another in the series of narcissism where I have covered Mother’s behavior towards me, others who have lived with a diagnosed family member, clinical diagnoses per the DMS (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), thought processes, attitudes and treatment towards others, potential causes, tips for interactions.]

In the words of HG Tudor, “Fuel is what we must have and it is this precious commodity that is the root cause of the bizarre behaviour that you witness and indeed that affects you, often at a terrible cost to you” (Fuel, 2015).

The previous blog explored the black hole deep within a narcissist, a bottomless pit that needs to be fed fuel in order to keep it under control. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) person doesn’t feel emotions, so they feed off of you by provoking you to respond. Thus fuel is obtained from you as you respond to their actions, words, facial expressions.

Your response is what the NPD person is seeking. Positive or negative, they just need your emotional response to keep fueled, whether you are: angry, frustrated, frightened, confused, suspicious, jealous, annoyed, joyful, happy, grateful, peaceful, etc. These emotions emit energy which the narcissist harnesses as fuel.

While all people require emotional fuel, such as hearing compliments to feel good, etc., this need for attention does not drive our lives, we can go long periods of time without. The difference is that for the NPD, acquiring fuel is the primary, even the sole preoccupation in life. In fact, his or her very existence depends on continually fueling up each and every day for survival.

To understand this drive for continual fuel, you have to first understand the narcissist’s creation of a “construct.” In psychological terms, this is what a person projects to others in terms of intelligence, personality, temperament, sociability, etc, irrespective of the person’s true characteristics.  

Through “character trait acquisition,” whereby a person assumes from others what is deemed to be desirable attributes, such as being popular, strong, successful; the narcissist projects this false persona outward. What you see and experience is not the true person.

Great quantities of fuel are required for the narcissist to project this made-up persona, as they submerge reminders of his or her worst traits: weakness, failure, disappointment, flaws, fragility, blemish, and shortcomings.

These true attributes coalesce into what is described as a “craven creature,” a beast which wants to escape and remind the NPD person of their true feelings and weaknesses. This beast must be kept imprisoned and under control, and this requires obtaining vast amounts of fuel.

With the creature continually lurking, to silence the howls coming from deep within, fuel must be sought out, hunted and gathered. If the person stops gathering fuel, they will lose power, their false construct crumbles, and they would face the black hole within their soul.

To prevent this wounding and injuring to the self, the cyclical battle for fuel continues. It goes like this: fuels feeds the addiction to power, power feed the supreme need to be in control, and to remain in control, fuel is needed, thus around and around it goes.

The power from intake of fuel allows the narcissist’s sense of entitlement to flourish, able to do as they please, when they please and how they please. Power also furnishes the ability to extend false charm, drawing in victims without caring about consequences.

The carefully fabricated outer construct attracts people with: charm, intelligence, sense of humor, compassion for others, spirituality. In reality, the narcissist doesn’t see a person, nor recognize an individual’s identity. They see you as a machine useful for only one reason, to provide fuel. 

The construct is designed to create an emotional response from you. The greater intensity of your response, positive or negative, the more fuel you provide. Attracted by their false persona, you give out feelings, feelings which the narcissist cannot reciprocate, they just lap up all emotions as fuel. “Love me, hate me, but never ignore me.”

The narcissist pays close attention, monitoring their level of fuel, always plotting and scheming to ensure the supply of fuel is secure. This becomes a full time undertaking.

Addiction to obtaining fuel powers the obsession with power. The narcissist does not have time to care about you and your life, they are far too busy attending to their fuel needs. Acquiring power ensures the narcissist continues feeling superior, receiving admiration from others, thus able to exert control over people, manipulating others’ actions and emotions. Feeding the ravenous beast continues.

Perhaps this will give you some further understanding as to why the NPD person is not amenable to change. If the fuel stops, power is cut, the false construct falls apart, the creature escapes, the person ceases to exist, hauled into the abyss, everything achieved is eradicated, utterly gone and forgotten. Fearing annihilation, the creature must be kept imprisoned, thus the fuel cycle has to continue.

Important caveat: usually, the NPD person is not consciously thinking about obtaining fuel, nor why they need it. The need for fuel is typically subconscious, feeding the monster, keeping it at bay.

[Above is just a brief cursory overview. Find informative and entertaining analysis of well-known celebrities and political figures along with more in-depth insights at HG Tudor’s website, including links to numerous articles and youtubes.]

[I find these insights interesting with possible extrapolation to:
1) Freud’s “id,” in that a person has not developed ego or superego to control the basic impulses
2) people who do evil with no observable conscious, perhaps the concept of “dark creature within” could explain other psychological diagnoses.]