Escaping and removing oneself from the narcissist is extremely difficult. While I have shared recommendations from clinical specialists; what propelled me to finally understand, become free and separate myself from Mother and others, is found in HG Tudor’s, Exorcism: Purging the Narcissist From Heart and Soul (2016), as well as his other books and youtubes website .

I have to give credit where credit is due. A while back, after reading a book about Boundaries, I sought professional help. My therapist was greatly instrumental in helping me start to clear the dense fog that engulfed my life, demanding I institute and stick to a “no contact” with Mother, while extricating myself from a difficult and tricky relationship. 

As you can imagine, it did not go well, with multiple threats from Mother. However, with intense support from my therapist, I was able to maintain for several years. Then, the old ways crept back, complete with sibling relationship difficulties and misunderstandings. The last five years I found myself caring for Mother at the end of her life, which I have been describing as I look for answers.

Stealthily, narcissists will invade your life, mind, heart and your very soul. This has been compared to a demon which invades and permeates your life. As a spiritually sensitive person, this causes me to stop and reflect, finding the connection to be understandable.

To review the effects of being ensnared by a narc: you feel devalued, manipulated, gas lit, infected, illusions destroyed, shamed at being fooled, exhausted, emptied, you are lost in a sea, being tossed, not understanding what has happened.

Questions you may be asking:
– Why would someone do that to me? Why did she treat me so badly?
– Did she not feel any love for me at all?
– How did she manage to do it for so long?
– I don’t understand what happened after everything I gave. Why wasn’t it enough?
– Something went wrong, I just need to work out what happened.
– How did I end up here?
– How could I have been so stupid?
– Surely it couldn’t all have been an illusion
– What if this time the apology is real? [mother never apologized to me]

You like to think you are intelligent, aware, sensible, independent, yet these questions  go round & round in your mind, as you beat yourself up, leading to paralysis. You may be stuck, not able to discern which way to proceed.

It must be pointed out that empaths want answers more than average person. I finally began to not only understand, but internalize: narcissistic people aren’t like normal or empathic people. They truly are incapable of feeling and cannot change, as described in previous posts.

You try to make sense of what has happened, but you cannot. You finally realize the narcissist is unlikely to change, but you keep trying one more attempt [My attempts to placate Mother continued ad nauseum: getting special treats, taking her on field trips, finding personal comforts, etc.]

Very Important: these thoughts are keeping you stuck, paralyzed, repeating the pain, holding you back, preventing you from moving forward. It is a totally created illusion and you have been conned into the dance, your vulnerabilities and trust abused.  

You must acknowledge the thoughts and emotions that are dominating you. The narc has infected your heart & soul, just like a virus. Exorcising, purging one’s mind and heart, is a choice one has to make, and it cannot be made lightly. This will be an intense battle for freedom. 

You must be prepared for a rocky emotional battle. You will be in the fog of war, just wanting the pain to stop, accepting that the hope for peaceful coexistence is not possible. Do not give up hope you will win the war for your soul.

Winning the War
You will fight and win the Heart vs Head (HvH) battle. You will need to suppress your emotional overdrive, replacing with rational thought and logic. The narc does not want you using logic, and she will pull out all stops to keep you swamped in an emotional paralytic sea.

This tactic by the narc has been effective because she recognizes you are an emotional individual, giving heightened responses. You have exposed your heart & soul with your empathetic traits, fuel which she thrives on, keeping you emotionally weak and stuck. 

To move forward in this intense combat, you have to disengage, stop fighting. You cannot win the emotional battle, you have to stop participating and start avoiding battles you cannot win.

Future posts include: “Concrete Actions” and “Moving Forward.”