With some time elapsed, my mind clearer, I now wonder at my responses to some of the following. I will say that, just as I had vowed to not let bitterness overtake me when disentangling from an unhealthy relationship; so too, I vowed not to become bitter, or at least not stay bitter towards Mother and others who had mistreated me.

Now, Mother in rehab and then transferred to an apartment on site, she shined, she was brilliant, the star of her own show, setting the stage, elaborating the plot, fighting death (which I will cover in a subsequent blog).

Mother’s desperate need to maintain control continued to the end of her life including:
– Multiple times moving small investments to another bank and all siblings had to sign; when I refused, her wrath became evident, I held my ground, and knowing I was the one who would eventually care for her, she backed off

– Forcing sickness, sometimes through stopping to take medications, when she went too far, it became the beginning of the end

– Making one sibling in charge of end of life decisions and another in charge of finances, neither of which was me, even though I was the “boots on the ground” so to speak, in charge of her care, with no legal authority and no cooperation or understanding from the sibling in charge of finances, constantly undermined by siblings who lived multiple states away [avoid this situation at all costs].

– In the retirement center, causing problems with staff, other residents and friends. For example: I would often go to the dining hall to eat with her, where I would gently tell her not to tell other people what to do (“you’re eating too much salt,”  “the butter will clog your arteries,”… you get the picture). I made friends with other residents and staff, being supportive and thanking them profusely for the difficult but much appreciated role they were playing

– I finally came to see the games Mother played, not only with my siblings, but with residents and staff; saying different things to each of us siblings, attempting to instigate jealousy and rivalry, never taking responsibility for the discord she continued to sow amongst us

– I continued, until recently, the role of peacekeeper within the family, attempting to fulfill Mother’s wish that her children would all get along. As I heal, I see the great detriment this caused to my mental, physical and economic health

At this point, I need to re-emphasize, while it is important to process what you have lived through, it is even more important to let go of anger, resentment, bitterness. This is the healing gift you give yourself. You will find somebody to come along beside and help you, through friendship or with assistance of a professional. You may find writing, journaling to be cathartic, as it has been for me.

[I come to the end of sharing the most hurtful and difficult circumstances. I have heard from some who are saddened and shocked by what I have shared. It is unimaginable to those who have lived in a supportive family environment. I am grateful for your support.]