Religiosity dominated much of our family life growing up; that is, my Mother’s warped version. While firmly believing in the basic tenets of Christianity and living out to the best of his ability, Father retreated to the background, as he did in most areas.

Starting from an early age, Mother’s method of discipline was to beat us, repeating verses such as, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Even worse, “I am doing this because I love you.” As I was caring for her in later life, she told me it was the only thing she knew. She thought she was a great Mother, never questioning what my siblings and I lived through.

Some rules from my growing up years, which we were mocked for: girls could not wear pants, girls to wear hats to church, no tennis shoes, girls and boys not to mingle, etc. One rule I particularly remember was, no make-up, as Mother said, “If God had wanted you to wear make-up, he would have created you with make-up.” To which I replied, “Why do you wear jewelry, if God wanted you to wear jewelry, he would have created you with jewelry,” which was met with a swift and brutal beating, sending me soaring down the hall.

Constant tension permeated our house, scripture quoted at us, absolute obeying without questioning was expected, even ridiculous commands from Mother. The most important thing was to be good and if we were not to her standards, we were labeled sinful, and commanded to go into our bedrooms and pray and ask for forgiveness.

Mother, along with much of the world of traditional Protestant Christianity that I have been exposed to, is based on “legalism,” rules that you must keep, although this would never be acknowledged, as their creeds declare salvation is only through Jesus Christ.

Cult Like
Church and religion became all about trying to be good, obeying rules in order to get to Heaven, projected as the primary aim in this life. Some sects of Christianity have been likened to being members of a cult. I share here definitions and general insights for your consideration.

– A religious group that has beliefs regarded by others as extreme or dangerous
– A system of religious loyalty, reverence for a cause, structured religious observances
– Authoritarianism without proper accountability
– Low to zero tolerance for criticism or questions
– Unreasonable fears about the outside world, leading to conspiracies or persecutions
– No legitimate reason to leave; people who leave are seen as always in the wrong
– Followers feel they can never be “good enough”

If you have not experienced this or don’t know somebody who has lived this, you are truly fortunate. Hopefully the many of us who have personal negative experience with religion, are “aging out.”