I found it difficult to shake the religious legalism Mother feverishly attempted to ingrain in her children. The incongruity of severe, man-made rules imposed, while preaching about the love of Jesus still perplexes me. In family pictures of us growing up, we all look so sad, to the point that tears come to my eyes, and I have stopped perusing old family photos.

Father was my life saver in many ways, offering me an academic, logical way of viewing and interpreting the world. He would insist that I learn both sides of a subject and we would discuss, each taking a side of the debate, and then we would switch sides. This drove Mother crazy, she couldn’t conceive of that level of intellect.

Forming Opinions
I, along with psychologists have long been interested in how people take in and process information to then form opinions. Piaget, a leading theorist, describes this learning process as developing schemas. Thoughts (information) are organized into patterns or categories, and these categories connect by finding similarities and forming relationships.

This process involves:
– Disequilibrium happens when new information does not fit into already established schemas; the person is not able to make sense of this new knowledge.
– Assimilation involves integrating these new ideas by adjusting established schema, adding information that is similar to what is already internalized.
– Accommodation occurs when this newly assimilated information cannot be fitted in neatly with an existing framework of understanding. This causes the person to modify an existing schema or develop a new schema.

Both assimilation and accommodation are essential for a person to build meaningful understandings and connections about the world in which he or she lives.

While Piaget’s clinical model helps us understand how we form opinions, we cannot dismiss how our emotions also influence our meaning making, especially in the religious, spiritual realm.

My Journey
On my spiritual path, as in my academic and relationship journey, I am open to diverse ideas and understandings, filtering through my world view, flexible to adapt my beliefs, while staying true to my core immutable dogmata.

My core beliefs are best expressed by the Apostles’ Creed:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day he rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Christian Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.”

In the words of Oswald Chambers (1924), I believe “God will lead you through every barrier into the inner chamber of the knowledge of Himself; but there is always this point of giving up convictions and traditional beliefs.”

Thus, I have gone back to reading the original works of Biblical patriarchs as well as the teachings of Jesus found in multiple current translations, and other extra Biblical literature that has been omitted in our modern day Bibles.

Something I am finding interesting to pursue is considering the Holy Spirit as feminine. If you look into original translations, you will see in the book of Proverbs, “wisdom” is always associated with feminine pronouns. This was revolutionary to me and I am pursuing this further. It makes so much sense to me, as I believe the Godhead encompasses all temperaments, personality and behavioral types. For me personally, this provides great comfort and helps me understand and accept God’s love, as I forgive and move past Mother’s hurting actions towards me. That is to say, I am able to see and accept the more feminine aspects of my concept and understanding of God.

Facing the Future
My searching never ceases. I need quiet time to read from multiple sources, journaling just about every day, writing down spiritual insights I have gained. I listen to various programs and a great variety of music that connects to and feeds my soul