As I previously shared, towards the end of my five years caring for Mother, with little help and often downright antagonism from my siblings, pleading for assistance (release some of her finances or move to assisted living), continually ignored, I followed sage advice, “You will lose yourself if you don’t get out.”

After telling my siblings of my plans for several months, giving them a deadline, I put my small belongings in a storage pod, loaded a couple suitcases, boarded a plane, flying across country, to a totally new environment. The day before I left, one sibling said, “So you’re really going to do this?”

Thus, I was not present for the last month of Mother’s life, which turned out to be the beginning of the covid quarantine. It fell to my brother to facilitate our Mother’s last few days.

I am told she developed a brain tumor. The hospice clergy man along with my brother watched Mother as she regressed back to her childhood. At one point she shared she knew Jesus loved her and became very peaceful. This brought such comfort to her children as we had watched her struggle throughout her whole life.

Memorial
This became one of the most hurtful experience of my life. My sibling in charge did not tell me when the service was planned. Although I now lived across country and couldn’t attend, I sincerely wanted to contribute. After it was over, I found out from a friend who described to me the graveside memorial service and after communal gathering.

This exclusion still stings, but I am gradually releasing and forgiving on my healing path. I rarely totally expressed my feelings to my siblings, but I did email them, in a logical respectful manner (tip: always include everybody on the same email, so you have a record of exactly what was said).

The following is what I never got to share.

Eulogy for Mother
“As many  have already shared, Mother easily established connections with others, being seen as kind and helpful.

“I am grateful to my mother for multiple things, especially her love of music, finding an old piano for $50 so we could all take lessons. Pursuing my love of music continues to bring me great pleasure.

“Her artistic bent and creativity funneled into teaching me many crafts, including knitting, sewing, and all kinds of crafty “stuff.” One of my fondest memories is of her gathering the young girls in the neighborhood (remembering this was baby boomer time, hundreds of kids on the same block), teaching embroidery, patiently untangling thread and removing stitches we had managed to connect to our clothes.

“On her 90th birthday, with my encouragement, she modernized with a new sewing machine, computer based, with all kinds of specialties. She took up quilting, and driving her to classes, I too learned to quilt, which I continue and find great satisfaction.

“She was adventurous, continually learning new things. I remember sharing with Mother an on-line class I had put together and was teaching. She went straight to the unit on ADD.

“Thank all of you for all of your support, especially during these last few years of Mother’s life.”