Psychologically speaking, hope is a concept or construct (a word attached to a set of human behaviors or beliefs which is useful to facilitate common understanding).

In particular, empathic people believe there is good in everybody, and continue to hope the person who has offended will change his or her behavior. I have recently learned that your hope is one of the tools a narcissist uses to deceive and control you.

Through a Different Lens
To the narcissist, who is focused only on him or her self, needing fuel to keep control, hope is a foreign concept.

The narc relies on your hopefulness as you keep believing things will change; things will get better; even though you’ve been down this route multiple times before. While you keep hoping the person has changed, you are repeatedly misled and sucked back into the narcissist web.

Preying on your hopefulness, you are hoovered back into their world, their control, as you continually believe you can find that underlying goodness, thinking, “if only…..” But, you are being led down the repeating path, the cycle of abuse.

Your hope is feeding your addiction to the narcissist. If you continue to rely upon your hope and belief in the narcs goodness, you can be controlled.

Be Wiser this Time
The truth is, not all people are good and deserve your hopefulness. This is a difficult truth for the empathic person to acknowledge. However, you need to accept that your continued hope in him changing makes you susceptible to the narcissists charms. Set firmly in your mind, “You cannot fix the narcissist.”

When you continue to hope that the narc will change, you minimize the problem. You must understand what you are dealing with. As you reminisce over his good points and hope anew, you are charmed back into his control. Once again, the narcissist has abused your hope.

Come to the knowledge that relying upon hope can kill you. You must top thinking emotionally and use your logic. Be a detective, watch the narcissists actions and reactions towards you. Noting down your observations provides tangible, concrete evidence of his abusing your hopeful, empathic nature.   

Do not be the victim of eternal emotional thinking towards the narcissistic individual. Instead of being misled, you must use your logic and look at the facts. Remember, he needs you and is relying on you for his very existence to continue. Do not get trapped; get out of the reaches of his spider web. Be brave, be strong, reinstitute no contact and other methods as previously shared (link and link).

Christian Perspective
Rather than the commonly used meaning as just a wish based on the strength of a person’s desire, in the Bible, hope is the confident expectation of what God has promised, and belief in the strength of His faithfulness.

Never lose your hope, place your hope in God and in those deserving of your gracious kindness, just don’t waste hope on the narcissist.

[reference for hope and the narcissist: HG Tudor]