5 golden years

my thoughts

  • hope: a two-edged sword (addendum #1)

    Hope believes in the eventual triumph of goodness. In the words of Alexander Pope, hope springs eternal in hearts, even in the face of adversity  (An Essay on Man). Hope is: – a feeling of expectation and desire for something beneficial to happen in the future; trusting in, waiting and looking for something or someone–…

  • epilogue

    I’ve been putting this off for a while. Today being Thanksgiving, I am taking a stab at it. One of my Mother’s friends I got to know, at 103 years of age, let me know she was, “Still learning.” At which I gasped, “Really, it never ends? I need a break.” Well, I have had…

  • sorrow and hope, with an eulogy for mother

    As I previously shared, towards the end of my five years caring for Mother, with little help and often downright antagonism from my siblings, pleading for assistance (release some of her finances or move to assisted living), continually ignored, I followed sage advice, “You will lose yourself if you don’t get out.” After telling my…

  • planning for the end

    It fell to me to initiate, explore, coordinate and complete Mother’s end of life plans. None of this was easy. In fact, it was quite stressful, but it had to be done, and I am the sibling that always took care of crises. Her primary care nurse-practioner was particularly helpful, discussing options with Mother and…

  • living backwards

    While plowing forwards, I came across the concept of “living backwards” (C.A. Lawson, 2000). Pausing to think this through, I am reminded of an analogy I often share with my clients, “Emotional healing is just like physical healing from a deep wound. Scabs form, fall off, smaller scabs form and fall off, the process continuing…

  • my spiritual journey

    I found it difficult to shake the religious legalism Mother feverishly attempted to ingrain in her children. The incongruity of severe, man-made rules imposed, while preaching about the love of Jesus still perplexes me. In family pictures of us growing up, we all look so sad, to the point that tears come to my eyes,…

  • journey from religiosity

    As previously shared, I have observed and lived with the disconnect between being quoted scripture and the person’s life actions. Mother was a woman devoted to her brand of christianity, constantly quoting Scripture, moralizing to her family, friends, anybody around her. On Mother’s behalf, her father, revived from near alcoholic induced death, became a “hell…

  • veneer christianity

    Religiosity dominated much of our family life growing up; that is, my Mother’s warped version. While firmly believing in the basic tenets of Christianity and living out to the best of his ability, Father retreated to the background, as he did in most areas. Starting from an early age, Mother’s method of discipline was to…

  • more manipulations

    With some time elapsed, my mind clearer, I now wonder at my responses to some of the following. I will say that, just as I had vowed to not let bitterness overtake me when disentangling from an unhealthy relationship; so too, I vowed not to become bitter, or at least not stay bitter towards Mother…

  • thickening fog

    As it drew closer to the end of Mother’s life, the effects of her major TIA episode, along with continuing bouts with lack of oxygen became more apparent. [transient ischaemic attack (tia), occurs when there is a disruption in the blood supply to a part of the brain, resulting in a temporary period of symptoms…