5 golden years

my thoughts

  • hope: a two-edged sword (addendum #1)

    Hope believes in the eventual triumph of goodness. In the words of Alexander Pope, hope springs eternal in hearts, even in the face of adversity  (An Essay on Man). Hope is: – a feeling of expectation and desire for something beneficial to happen in the future; trusting in, waiting and looking for something or someone–…

  • epilogue

    I’ve been putting this off for a while. Today being Thanksgiving, I am taking a stab at it. One of my Mother’s friends I got to know, at 103 years of age, let me know she was, “Still learning.” At which I gasped, “Really, it never ends? I need a break.” Well, I have had…

  • living backwards

    While plowing forwards, I came across the concept of “living backwards” (C.A. Lawson, 2000). Pausing to think this through, I am reminded of an analogy I often share with my clients, “Emotional healing is just like physical healing from a deep wound. Scabs form, fall off, smaller scabs form and fall off, the process continuing…

  • my spiritual journey

    I found it difficult to shake the religious legalism Mother feverishly attempted to ingrain in her children. The incongruity of severe, man-made rules imposed, while preaching about the love of Jesus still perplexes me. In family pictures of us growing up, we all look so sad, to the point that tears come to my eyes,…

  • winning the battle, part 2

    [I will share here what I have learned and what has helped me become free of Mother’s, and others spells.] The dance you are doing with the narcissist must stop. First, you must truly understand what you are trying to get rid of (explored fully in previous posts). With this understanding, you are ready to…

  • forgiveness, part 2

    A Mark Twain quote to ponder, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” What Forgiveness is NOT– Forgetting: if you forget the wrongdoing, you might find yourself in the same situation again – Condoning: the wrongdoing is not okay, don’t accept it – Denying or Minimizing: you…

  • when forgiveness is not enough, part 1

    As the old adage says, “Words are cheap,” and never more so than when you hear, “I forgive you,” with no change in the person’s behavior. Perhaps this comes from other words ingrained in our culture, in the words of Jesus,  “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us,” which…

  • memories

    “Recollections May Vary,” brilliantly coined by the late Queen Elizabeth II, in reference to disclosures by royal family members, is such a perfect descriptive phrase, I have it emblazoned on a t-shirt.  Similar to varied accounts of people witnessing the same accident scene, each member of a family unit stores memories of past events, influenced…

  • living in borderland: helping yourself

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder, covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] “Be gone.. you have no power here.” Visiting the Land of Oz, we hear these words from the good…