5 golden years

my thoughts

  • clinical aspects of addictive families

    [This is for those interested in the psychological underpinnings of families living with addiction; focusing on abusive relationships, and on etiology and treatments, drawing on my personal and professional experiences as a family therapist, along with current research.] “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”(Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy)…

  • the why of it

    In the midst of caring for Mother, her negative verbalizations and erratic behavior were so intense, I did not have time to process. I just felt it was my duty as a daughter. I am compassionate, and a soft heart can leave a person vulnerable to abuse. After I was free, I began questioning: “Why…

  • something’s wrong

    In the words of my sister, “Growing up I knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what, but I got out of there as soon as I could.” She was smart and went away to college. Me, not so much. Going through Mother’s pathological hoarding (details in another blog), I found family photos from our…

  • no comment

    “You got me in trouble.” This comment from Mother left me puzzled, my facial expression betraying my ‘do not respond’ self-pledge. [Any response, positive or negative provides fuel. More about fuel in coming posts.] As I rapidly searched my memory for any such occurrence, Mother continued, “You told on me and the principal called me.…

  • accepting truth

    As Mother aged, her defenses gradually let down and she started sharing her hurtful deeds. “Your Father was a genius and I didn’t know how I was going to discipline you.” Mother solved this dilemma with repeated beatings, beginning from babyhood. One such example, often retold at family gatherings, complete with giggles from others, continued…