5 golden years

my thoughts

  • anatomy of a hoarder

    Nature abhors a vacuum (Aristotle), and we all find ways to fill emptiness in our lives and in our souls. It can become a constant battle, especially for those living with hoarders. When it became clear that Mother could not live alone (convincing her of this is another subject). It fell to me to clear…

  • something’s wrong

    In the words of my sister, “Growing up I knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what, but I got out of there as soon as I could.” She was smart and went away to college. Me, not so much. Going through Mother’s pathological hoarding (details in another blog), I found family photos from our…

  • grieving

    The subject of grieving is multi-faceted. For clarity, I start by defining grieving, followed by the process of grieving (historically as well as current thinking), ending with my experiences. Grieving is the response to life changes (positive or negative), demonstrated by manifesting annoyance, distress or sorrow. Some examples that apply here: loss of physical ability,…

  • lifesavers

    In the hopes that you may benefit from my experiences as you care for others aging or with disabilities, here are some things I found to be my salvation. It became evident that Mother’s care needs would stretch on after rehab, and I moved closer to her retirement complex. This was located in a small…

  • below the surface

    People had no idea, or simply could not understand what was going on behind the scenes as I cared for Mother. I will do my best to elaborate, but in my experience, you have to live it to get it. As she deteriorated physically and mentally, Mother should have been in assistive care, but my…

  • driver’s license

    Mother obtained her first driver’s license in her mid-forties, after her children chauffeurs had left her nest. Father, twelve years older, had sustained a series of heart attacks with continuing ill health. Abhorring stasis, mother hit the road. Limited neck mobility and vision in only one eye (due to macular degeneration), contributed to Mother’s unique…

  • finding humor

    Responsible for taking her driver’s license (details in a coming blog), I felt an obligation to become a chauffeur, Mother as a front seat passenger. Known for her unique driving method which developed due to macular degeneration (ability to see only periphery), stiff neck (limiting her motion and ability to see). She prayed and went…

  • no comment

    “You got me in trouble.” This comment from Mother left me puzzled, my facial expression betraying my ‘do not respond’ self-pledge. [Any response, positive or negative provides fuel. More about fuel in coming posts.] As I rapidly searched my memory for any such occurrence, Mother continued, “You told on me and the principal called me.…

  • accepting truth

    As Mother aged, her defenses gradually let down and she started sharing her hurtful deeds. “Your Father was a genius and I didn’t know how I was going to discipline you.” Mother solved this dilemma with repeated beatings, beginning from babyhood. One such example, often retold at family gatherings, complete with giggles from others, continued…