5 golden years

my thoughts

  • living backwards

    While plowing forwards, I came across the concept of “living backwards” (C.A. Lawson, 2000). Pausing to think this through, I am reminded of an analogy I often share with my clients, “Emotional healing is just like physical healing from a deep wound. Scabs form, fall off, smaller scabs form and fall off, the process continuing…

  • winning the battle, part 2

    [I will share here what I have learned and what has helped me become free of Mother’s, and others spells.] The dance you are doing with the narcissist must stop. First, you must truly understand what you are trying to get rid of (explored fully in previous posts). With this understanding, you are ready to…

  • when forgiveness is not enough, part 1

    As the old adage says, “Words are cheap,” and never more so than when you hear, “I forgive you,” with no change in the person’s behavior. Perhaps this comes from other words ingrained in our culture, in the words of Jesus,  “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us,” which…

  • living in borderland: clearing the haze

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder; covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] ————————————— “Understanding our mother is the first step to understanding ourselves.” I do believe it is important to try…

  • living in borderland: helping yourself

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder, covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] “Be gone.. you have no power here.” Visiting the Land of Oz, we hear these words from the good…

  • clinical aspects of addictive families

    [This is for those interested in the psychological underpinnings of families living with addiction; focusing on abusive relationships, and on etiology and treatments, drawing on my personal and professional experiences as a family therapist, along with current research.] “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”(Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy)…

  • the why of it

    In the midst of caring for Mother, her negative verbalizations and erratic behavior were so intense, I did not have time to process. I just felt it was my duty as a daughter. I am compassionate, and a soft heart can leave a person vulnerable to abuse. After I was free, I began questioning: “Why…

  • finding humor

    Responsible for taking her driver’s license (details in a coming blog), I felt an obligation to become a chauffeur, Mother as a front seat passenger. Known for her unique driving method which developed due to macular degeneration (ability to see only periphery), stiff neck (limiting her motion and ability to see). She prayed and went…

  • no comment

    “You got me in trouble.” This comment from Mother left me puzzled, my facial expression betraying my ‘do not respond’ self-pledge. [Any response, positive or negative provides fuel. More about fuel in coming posts.] As I rapidly searched my memory for any such occurrence, Mother continued, “You told on me and the principal called me.…

  • accepting truth

    As Mother aged, her defenses gradually let down and she started sharing her hurtful deeds. “Your Father was a genius and I didn’t know how I was going to discipline you.” Mother solved this dilemma with repeated beatings, beginning from babyhood. One such example, often retold at family gatherings, complete with giggles from others, continued…