5 golden years

my thoughts

  • living backwards

    While plowing forwards, I came across the concept of “living backwards” (C.A. Lawson, 2000). Pausing to think this through, I am reminded of an analogy I often share with my clients, “Emotional healing is just like physical healing from a deep wound. Scabs form, fall off, smaller scabs form and fall off, the process continuing…

  • journey from religiosity

    As previously shared, I have observed and lived with the disconnect between being quoted scripture and the person’s life actions. Mother was a woman devoted to her brand of christianity, constantly quoting Scripture, moralizing to her family, friends, anybody around her. On Mother’s behalf, her father, revived from near alcoholic induced death, became a “hell…

  • veneer christianity

    Religiosity dominated much of our family life growing up; that is, my Mother’s warped version. While firmly believing in the basic tenets of Christianity and living out to the best of his ability, Father retreated to the background, as he did in most areas. Starting from an early age, Mother’s method of discipline was to…

  • more manipulations

    With some time elapsed, my mind clearer, I now wonder at my responses to some of the following. I will say that, just as I had vowed to not let bitterness overtake me when disentangling from an unhealthy relationship; so too, I vowed not to become bitter, or at least not stay bitter towards Mother…

  • thickening fog

    As it drew closer to the end of Mother’s life, the effects of her major TIA episode, along with continuing bouts with lack of oxygen became more apparent. [transient ischaemic attack (tia), occurs when there is a disruption in the blood supply to a part of the brain, resulting in a temporary period of symptoms…

  • narcissism: in real life

    As with most issues in life, I do not totally agree with any one person or philosophy, but I do find it useful to gather information and insights from a variety of sources. I began looking into people with extreme selfish behaviors, actions I could not understand, after noticing the behavior of a royal family…

  • the borderline mother: clinical aspects

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder; covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] ————————————— “The first thing we must understand in life is our mother.” The great paradigm shift towards understanding Mother…

  • a little breather

    Pausing to briefly review my posts thus far, I see a person could be overwhelmed, discouraged, or greatly saddened by what I have shared about my life. I want to reiterate, my intent is not to promulgate victimhood. In my other blog, I share my light-hearted approach to everyday living, (CJ’s World).   My hope…

  • living in borderland: clearing the haze

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder; covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] ————————————— “Understanding our mother is the first step to understanding ourselves.” I do believe it is important to try…

  • living in borderland: effects on children

    [This is part of the series, “Living in Borderland,” in which I describe my experiences living with my Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder; covering psychological criteria, manifestations, effects on children, family and sibling reactions, and finding help.] ————————— “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.“You must be,” said…