5 golden years

my thoughts

  • more manipulations

    With some time elapsed, my mind clearer, I now wonder at my responses to some of the following. I will say that, just as I had vowed to not let bitterness overtake me when disentangling from an unhealthy relationship; so too, I vowed not to become bitter, or at least not stay bitter towards Mother…

  • thickening fog

    As it drew closer to the end of Mother’s life, the effects of her major TIA episode, along with continuing bouts with lack of oxygen became more apparent. [transient ischaemic attack (tia), occurs when there is a disruption in the blood supply to a part of the brain, resulting in a temporary period of symptoms…

  • treatment of family members

    It is important to set the stage regarding Mother’s Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with narcissistic components. Caring for Mother the last five years of her life, I have previously covered: living in borderland, hoarding, addictive families, all about siblings, crazy making, personal tips towards recovery. Here is a sample. Causing me much confusion and distress,…

  • all about siblings

    Sibling relationships can last longer and be more supportive than any other connection. That is, of course, if the adults are able to move past childhood relationships and perceptions, recognize, interact and celebrate the adult each sibling has become. Unfortunately, releasing childhood conflicts and animosities that occurred among siblings is difficult in most families, and…

  • addictive family effects

    Mother was terrified of alcoholism and regularly regaled us with its evils. We often heard about her friends who became alcoholics after cooking with wine. What is more plausible is the story of her father, after WWI, in a drunken stupor, almost died, saw hell, quickly reformed and became a “hell fire and brimstone” circuit…

  • dissociating

    Where do I start? Throughout my childhood I was just surviving, not attempting to make sense of what Mother was doing or why was she doing it. With all of the physical and verbal abuse, I quickly learned to distance myself, dissociate, although I was not able to label it as such until as an…

  • anatomy of a hoarder

    Nature abhors a vacuum (Aristotle), and we all find ways to fill emptiness in our lives and in our souls. It can become a constant battle, especially for those living with hoarders. When it became clear that Mother could not live alone (convincing her of this is another subject). It fell to me to clear…

  • grieving

    The subject of grieving is multi-faceted. For clarity, I start by defining grieving, followed by the process of grieving (historically as well as current thinking), ending with my experiences. Grieving is the response to life changes (positive or negative), demonstrated by manifesting annoyance, distress or sorrow. Some examples that apply here: loss of physical ability,…

  • lifesavers

    In the hopes that you may benefit from my experiences as you care for others aging or with disabilities, here are some things I found to be my salvation. It became evident that Mother’s care needs would stretch on after rehab, and I moved closer to her retirement complex. This was located in a small…

  • below the surface

    People had no idea, or simply could not understand what was going on behind the scenes as I cared for Mother. I will do my best to elaborate, but in my experience, you have to live it to get it. As she deteriorated physically and mentally, Mother should have been in assistive care, but my…